BEING A FATHER
Hello I’m Phumi also known as Phumi Newjack, a son, a brother
and most importantly a new FATHER ok not that new anymore, my kid is a grown up
now she’s starting to call us her parents by names, I’m a father to a beautiful daughter of 10 months. This is my first blog with issues that are close to my heart. Please bear with me, my English is not of the greatest caliber but I just want to write my heart out.
Let’s begin this conversation with the definition of a father. Wikipedia’s
definition of a father is: A father (or dad) is a male parent who has raised a child,
supplied the sperm through sexual intercourse or sperm donation which grew into
a child, and/or donated a body cell which resulted in a clone.
Being a father is more than just donating a sperm(s) for fertilisation,
I label those “fathers” who run away from their responsibilities of
co-parenting and responsibility taking as impulsive sperm donors, these are
guys who are not even paying pap geld (child maintenance). These are guys who drink more than one case
of beers on average in a month, they wear expensive designer shoes not to
mention the cars they drive, but they can’t pay a dime for their kids and off
course the guys who just don’t give a fuck about their offspring. We’re still
talking expenses here, haven’t even started with quality time spent with their
kid(s) that’s a broader topic for another day. Let’s take a scenario of a new
born baby, Pampers new born dippers 43 nappies cost around R85, Huggies New Baby Size 1 Nappies 26 Nappies
cost around R53,
baby wipes cost around R49.99, the big tin baby formula (good quality baby products, not these fong
kongs out there) will cost from R200
upwards and not forgetting feeding bottles, we talking Philips Avent or Nuk here,
that cost around R120
upwards a feeding bottle (lol shit come to think of it kids are expensive).
These are just starters, basics, then comes the issue of
baby clothing, women tend to spend good money for their kids especially for their
first child. Go to Woolies and check out baby clothes, these little
people cost a fortune nonetheless it is crucial for your baby to look the part
as you would with your Carvela shoes, PlayStation games and Brazilian hair that’ll
cost you R1000 upwards. Woollies baby clothes are of good quality nonetheless. So
adding up new born baby starters you’re looking at spending around R1108+ per month, see how I added a plus sign
at the end of the figure, it is because babies differ with what they consume
and medical bills. You can buy NAN formula 1.8kg for R269 then you find out
that it is not the right brand for your baby and you end up spending more, same
applies to 26 dippers you can’t really use 26 dippers for 31 days now really!! These
little people eat, sleep and excrete all day because it is vital for their
growth.
Imagine if the roles were turned and you a dad now becomes
a mother. Let’s not even get started with that dreadful 9 months of pregnancy.
I physically don’t know how it feels to have a human being growing inside of
you for nine months but I was there with my wife from the beginning till the
very last day of pregnancy. I’d come home from work and she has swollen feet,
she’d cry for pizza and when pizza is on her lap she’d cry some more because there’s
less bacon than what was advertised at Debonairs menu, lol now back to my
point. If the roles were turned, most if not all men weren’t going to survive
the agony, the disappointment from the “father” if he didn’t honour his promise
of pap geld, the sleepless nights of travelling to the loo, the emotions which
change every second, the big belly which shows in public that you’ve been busy
at night, swollen like lips, the big nose etc. If an average new born costs R1000+
per month for the first 2 - 3 months, what was R1000 to a person who spends on
average R2000+ on entertainment per month?
The point that I’m trying to drive home is that fathers
(yes those guys who give us good parents a wicked name, those “fathers” who
spend their last weekend of the month at taverns, shebeens and sports bars and
come back on Monday morning with empty pockets) must take good care of their
children. If I was the president of RSA I’d make a law that if you earn an
income no matter how small it is and you don’t pay child support you will be
automatically defaulted, you can’t get credit anywhere, and basically your life
will be miserable. I’m not saying that as a father you can’t spend money on the
things that you like but strike a balance, put your kid first over everything,
over friends over skovels and News Café. Rather go to News Café knowing that
your kid is well maintained at home and you’re drinking with a clear conscious.
The costs involved mentioned in this blog are just below average estimates and
are meant for new born kids 0-3 months with no complications and I haven’t mentioned
the medical bills and other expenses that are part and parcel of having a kid.
Being a father is more than spending R1000+ for your kid
every month. It’s about being there for your kid, the support, the love, the change
of a dipper, the joy of her first tooth, the agony that you’ll feel for her the
first day at crèche, the first smile, the awful cry for sleep, the joy you get
when you’re kid recognises you and jumps for joy. I’d probably feel miserable
if my child is raised by another man who she calls dad and she calls me by
name. Having being raised by a single mom made me strong and she did a pretty good
job raising the three of us, she played both parts of being a mom and a dad but
a kid needs his/her father poor or rich. Big up to the fathers who are there
for their kids and families in good and bad times. I won’t mind working at Pik’
It Up or being a security guard at Evalon Cemetery guarding tombs to put bread on
the table and give my child quality private education.
Phumi Newjack
Great post more irresponsible fathers must read this
ReplyDelete