You Are What You Think

Very often you’ll find people complain that things aren’t going their way or everything is wrong in their lives. But as much as you complain, you’re the architect of your life, for either good or bad things that happen to you.

Let’s take a very simple scenario: you’re supposed to be at the office by 8:00am and you get to the office by 9:30am due to major traffic by the main road leading to your work place, now your boss is mad at you because you didn’t make that pitch with the new big client that she trusted you with and your company has lost the client. First problem you slept late, secondly you woke up late in the morning feeling like shit but you just had to go to work because you’re owing mam’ Mavis R800 that you took to impress that new girl at work, buying her lunch on Fridays. Your first morning thought was “shit I’m late, will this day end already, I’m dead!” it hasn’t even started but you want it to end, c’mon. Your reaction to any event will determine the outcome.

If your reaction was “shit I’m late, let me call Suzy to do the first half of the presentation and I’ll pop in to do the other half and we’ll share the commission” if your company gets the client on board both of you and Suzy will benefit hugely from it. Both of you win and your boss is happy, you both get your salaries bumped up a few thousands and finally you can afford that blue VW Scirocco GT 2.0, yes the one you’ve been eyeing every morning at the dealership. You see, a calm calculated reaction to an event will yield positive results, don’t confuse it with impetuosity. For everything that has happened in your life it is all because of you! You applied for that R1000 loan at FNB and they told you that you qualify for an R8000 loan and you took it anyways and now you can’t afford to make repayments, you decided to stay in that miserable job that makes you cry every morning when you wake up and it gives you a headache when you knock off! You took your kid to a cheap day care centre and now you complain when they feed her beans and soup all day!

Same principle that applies to science applies to life, Newton’s third law states that for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction. For whatever that you do there’ll be repercautions either good or bad. Being impulsive most of the time yields bad results, for an example; you go out grocery shopping and you end up buying the whole grocery store because, you didn’t have a proper plan to follow, that’s why there’s a grocery list that you need to put down every month before even going to the grocery store. When I do our monthly grocery, I start calculating, adding everything up before I get a surprise at the counter. It is well for me kind of embarrassing to return half the trolley with food because you can’t afford it (at times I’m guilty of paying with my card and I end up not seeing the value of the food I bought because plastic money is not tangible and the food costs too much when you review your banking statements).

My point is, you are what you think, if your life is in shambles and you’ve given up on attaining success then it is of your own doing. If you think that you won’t make it past matric or your salary is too little to main your basic needs then you’ve have subconsciously chosen the path that your life will lead, because you have shut down other idea avenues that you could’ve had. If it seems as if you won’t make it past matric then prepare early, get afternoon classes that will make you improve on your grades or you’re getting too little salary that is below your living expenses then make a plan, either get a good paying job or man up to your boss and ask for a better salary that would see you breaking the norm of living off pay cheque to pay cheque (it seems difficult to get a raise these days, but it’s not).

The choice is ultimately yours, it is never too late for change. An example to support my statement is sir Sipho 'Hotstix' Mabuse, he passed his matric at the age of 60 years in 2012. Remember your reaction to any given event will determine the outcome and your thoughts ultimately become your future.

Phumi Newjack

BEING A FATHER

Hello I’m Phumi also known as Phumi Newjack, a son, a brother and most importantly a new FATHER ok not that new anymore, my kid is a grown up now she’s starting to call us her parents by names, I’m a father to a beautiful daughter of 10 months. This is my first blog with issues that are close to my heart. Please bear with me, my English is not of the greatest caliber but I just want to write my heart out. 

Let’s begin this conversation with the definition of a father. Wikipedia’s definition of a father is: A father (or dad) is a male parent who has raised a child, supplied the sperm through sexual intercourse or sperm donation which grew into a child, and/or donated a body cell which resulted in a clone.

Being a father is more than just donating a sperm(s) for fertilisation, I label those “fathers” who run away from their responsibilities of co-parenting and responsibility taking as impulsive sperm donors, these are guys who are not even paying pap geld (child maintenance). These are guys who drink more than one case of beers on average in a month, they wear expensive designer shoes not to mention the cars they drive, but they can’t pay a dime for their kids and off course the guys who just don’t give a fuck about their offspring. We’re still talking expenses here, haven’t even started with quality time spent with their kid(s) that’s a broader topic for another day. Let’s take a scenario of a new born baby, Pampers new born dippers 43 nappies cost around R85,  Huggies New Baby Size 1 Nappies 26 Nappies cost around R53, baby wipes cost around R49.99, the big tin baby formula (good quality baby products, not these fong kongs out there) will cost from R200 upwards and not forgetting feeding bottles, we talking Philips Avent or Nuk here, that cost around R120 upwards a feeding bottle (lol shit come to think of it kids are expensive).

These are just starters, basics, then comes the issue of baby clothing, women tend to spend good money for their kids especially for their first child. Go to Woolies and check out baby clothes, these little people cost a fortune nonetheless it is crucial for your baby to look the part as you would with your Carvela shoes, PlayStation games and Brazilian hair that’ll cost you R1000 upwards. Woollies baby clothes are of good quality nonetheless. So adding up new born baby starters you’re looking at spending around R1108+ per month, see how I added a plus sign at the end of the figure, it is because babies differ with what they consume and medical bills. You can buy NAN formula 1.8kg for R269 then you find out that it is not the right brand for your baby and you end up spending more, same applies to 26 dippers you can’t really use 26 dippers for 31 days now really!! These little people eat, sleep and excrete all day because it is vital for their growth.

Imagine if the roles were turned and you a dad now becomes a mother. Let’s not even get started with that dreadful 9 months of pregnancy. I physically don’t know how it feels to have a human being growing inside of you for nine months but I was there with my wife from the beginning till the very last day of pregnancy. I’d come home from work and she has swollen feet, she’d cry for pizza and when pizza is on her lap she’d cry some more because there’s less bacon than what was advertised at Debonairs menu, lol now back to my point. If the roles were turned, most if not all men weren’t going to survive the agony, the disappointment from the “father” if he didn’t honour his promise of pap geld, the sleepless nights of travelling to the loo, the emotions which change every second, the big belly which shows in public that you’ve been busy at night, swollen like lips, the big nose etc. If an average new born costs R1000+ per month for the first 2 - 3 months, what was R1000 to a person who spends on average R2000+ on entertainment per month?

The point that I’m trying to drive home is that fathers (yes those guys who give us good parents a wicked name, those “fathers” who spend their last weekend of the month at taverns, shebeens and sports bars and come back on Monday morning with empty pockets) must take good care of their children. If I was the president of RSA I’d make a law that if you earn an income no matter how small it is and you don’t pay child support you will be automatically defaulted, you can’t get credit anywhere, and basically your life will be miserable. I’m not saying that as a father you can’t spend money on the things that you like but strike a balance, put your kid first over everything, over friends over skovels and News Café. Rather go to News Café knowing that your kid is well maintained at home and you’re drinking with a clear conscious. The costs involved mentioned in this blog are just below average estimates and are meant for new born kids 0-3 months with no complications and I haven’t mentioned the medical bills and other expenses that are part and parcel of having a kid.

Being a father is more than spending R1000+ for your kid every month. It’s about being there for your kid, the support, the love, the change of a dipper, the joy of her first tooth, the agony that you’ll feel for her the first day at crèche, the first smile, the awful cry for sleep, the joy you get when you’re kid recognises you and jumps for joy. I’d probably feel miserable if my child is raised by another man who she calls dad and she calls me by name. Having being raised by a single mom made me strong and she did a pretty good job raising the three of us, she played both parts of being a mom and a dad but a kid needs his/her father poor or rich. Big up to the fathers who are there for their kids and families in good and bad times. I won’t mind working at Pik’ It Up or being a security guard at Evalon Cemetery guarding tombs to put bread on the table and give my child quality private education.

Phumi Newjack